DISCLAIMER: Because of the potentially foul language, sexually explicit scenarios or other graphic situations, you must be 18 years or older to view this material. By doing so, you also agree that OFSA is NOT liable for damages to you of any kind.

Excerpts are from PABBIS. Please remember that PABBIS provides content on their website that may contain “controversial and potentially objectionable or inappropriate material in a book.” For more, visit PABBIS at www.pabbis.org. Page numbers verified by A. Terry.

Summary from the Library of Congress cataloging-in-Publication Data: Book is about high school girl [N] who realizes her boyfriend is homosexual. She also has a drinking problem and was molested when younger.

“..neither of them smoked dope anymore." (Page 5, last paragraph)

“The rage she feels against her mother is so strong.. uses alcohol to suppress it. ..keeps a bottle... hidden in her closet, and sometimes raids the family liquor cabinet... sees nothing wrong with alcohol or grass, but T [her boyfriend].. is into.. no drugs or stimulants..” (Page 8, 2nd paragraph)

“..is a Greek god.. gorgeous.. tiny little ass. ..I would strip for him. I would let him have me.” (page 8, last 3 paragraphs)

“People think [the teacher] is gay, but N thinks he is.. sexless. What did you read over the summer? he is asking the class.. hand shoots up... I read 20 issues of Penthouse. My father hides them in the basement.”(page 9, middle of page and down)

“N takes a swig of the vodka... My fucking looks. ..Jesus.” (Page 14, last paragraph to page 15, top of page)

“..mother screamed, “When are you ever going to wear a dress? When?... N.. replied, To your funeral.” (Page 23, 2nd paragraph)

“[Mother] put [my dog] to sleep without my fucking permission.” (Page 28, 5th paragraph)

“..she is thinking about.. whether T will put his hand on her knee.. last time she went to the movies with a boy, he put his hand on her thigh and tried to feel her up... trying to get a cheap thrill.. boys their unpredictable sexual needs, their hard ons, their gropings.” (Page28, last paragraph - page 29, continued)

“Before.. she had had some vodka because she needed a boost.. would really like a vodka [now].. I have phony ID.. Sorry forgot you don’t drink. I used to drink myself senseless, he says... sure as hell drank a lot.. smoked grass everyday.” (Page 29, last paragraph - page 30, though 4th paragraph)

“..she wants to marry T... More important, she wants to sleep with him... very strange because T has not yet made love to her.. done nothing that could be called making out.” (Page 35, last sentence of 2nd paragraph - middle of 3rd paragraph)

N tells T a secret she never told anyone: “..all the way through the 1st grade... this teenage guy.. fooled around with me... would get me on my way home from school.. I changed the route, he would catch me [anyway].. take me into a vacant lot. God says T, Did you have intercourse? No.. But he would make me...touch him and everything. And he would touch me.” (Page 37, middle of page - through bottom of page)

T gets mad when N suggests they cross dress for the Halloween party: “..look of rage comes over his face pure murderous rage... Jesus.. shitty idea... She is stunned by [this], because he has.. stopped her from using 4 letter words.. not allowed to say fuck or prick or any of the other words she used to say so casually.” (Page 42, 3rd pagagraph - through middle of page)

“they kiss for a while, but N can tell T is not aroused.. he seems to be dreaming a secret dream.. In the moonlight he looks like a god.” (Page 46, last paragraph)

“..she has had some vodka.. certain no one can smell it, but [T does]” (page 47, last paragraph - page 48, top of page)

“..thing.. bothering her hurting her.. is their lovemaking.. nothing has happened except kissing.. never put his hand under her shirt to feel her tiny breasts.. never once felt him have a hard on... wants so badly now to lose her virginity to him..” (Page 48, last paragraph - though page 49, top of page)

Fighting with her mom: “What do you think we’re doing having sex?.. even if we are it’s none of your business... pick fights with me every day of my.. What bullshit!... Jesus!” (Page 51, middle of page - through bottom of page)

“..[In Greenwich village] they are stopped by a very weird young man.. My God, T. Is that you?.. [he] is wearing rhinestone earrings and eye shadow.. hair is bleached platinum blond. he has on men’s clothes but women’s high heels.. [T says] I don’t know you. But sweetie, you do.. met at V’s party a year ago. Have you heard anything from him lately?.. I don’t know you T says.. takes N’s arm and starts off.. man follows them.. no need to be snotty he says.. Shove off says T. [The man says]: My God, we’re being high and mighty. But maybe you’re already occupied tonight, darling. Who’s the trick?.. T hauls off and punches him... young man staggers to his feet... You little shit!.. [T tells N]: I .. maybe met him once.. parents and I used to live down here... He’s a drag queen, a freak... he thought I was a guy [N says].. a young guy. God!” (Page 62, whole page - page 63, through middle of page)

“T still kisses her.. hold hands.. but there is something impersonal about it... [other girls] envy her for having sex with T. But none of it is true.. something wrong with T, or her, or both of them.” (page 67, 3rd paragraph - through 4th paragraph)

“She has stopped shoplifting... trying very hard to drink less or at least around T. But the vodka is such a comfort she cannot kick the habit.. alcohol eases the tension.. likes the way it feels going down her throat into her belly. warm and all pervading, like an embrace.. had taken a shot of vodka in the morning [before school]..” (Page 68, 4th paragraph - through 5th paragraph)

T and N drink some vodka and lie down in front of the fire.. kissing her deeply for the first time.. seems like they are about to become lovers.. he is being rough about it. Without much delicacy he is pulling off her clothes first her jeans... then her underwear.. kisses her tiny breasts and she shudders at the feel of her mouth.. takes off his clothes and lies naked beside her.. N is stunned by the beauty of his body.. [N] is afraid of nothing now... but he is not sexually aroused.. You’re gay aren’t you? she says to T. He begins to sob, weeping.. is her answer... Don’t hate me he says... Jesus, I wanted to change so much.. was born this way.. in therapy for a whole year... really hurts [my parents].. have you.. had lots of experience? she asks. He nods.. for a long time now I’ve been picking up guys and going home with them. Older guys, mostly. I’ve had a lot of sex with older guys.... started out with me just going to gay bars and dancing... pretty soon I was going home with them.. AIDS?.. I’m not stupid. I use condoms. What kind of sex did you have with these men? I don’t want to go into that... she explodes... No wonder we never made out... sickened you to touch me.. You chose me because I look like a boy!.. You dirty faggot.. rotten queer.. Go back to what you were before. Fuck men. Hundreds of men... he is gone... pours herself a drink.. gulps the vodka.. smashes the glass into the fireplace.” (Page 71, middle of page - through page 74)

“..comes to school drunk.. put on report.. forced to take blood and urine tests.. is in trouble everywhere... drunk every day, which is a shock to her mother, who never knew she drank at all... steals from her mother’s purse.. hocks her CD player in order to buy booze.” (Page 77, 2nd paragraph - through 4th paragraph)

“..realizes he did know the weird guy who wore women’s high heels, and God knows who else... was probably making out the whole time he dated her.. tries to imagine the sex acts T does with men.. tries to visualize the details, but cannot. It seems so awful.. she has read somewhere that gay men like anonymous sex, so maybe that is what gives T pleasure..” (Page 79, 2nd and 3rd paragraph)

She sees T with a boy: “..obvious T has a new twin.. knows that [they] are lovers.. have secrets nobody else can share.. secrets that bring them pleasure.. knows they have been naked together, and given sex to each other, and fallen asleep afterwards.. N spies on T and his new friend [through April].. no matter how ashamed she feels, she cannot stop following them... it is not anonymous sex N realizes, because the boys seem almost married to each other..” (Page 84, 2nd and 3rd paragraph)

“..goes to the library.. takes out some books on homosexuality.. 3 of the books say homosexuality isn’t a choice. people are born that way, say the books, and there’s nothing they can do about it.” (Page 86, 4th paragraph)

“..takes out a flash of vodka. It is only 8 in the morning, but she needs a drink.. vodka burns going down.. familiar warmth comes into her belly and she relaxes.. few more drinks..” (Page 88, 1st , 2nd, & 3rd paragraphs)

N starts going to AA: “Without alcohol to warm her life, her mind is frozen, and she has turned into a corpse. Alcohol was warmth and color and excitement and instant love.. nothing to replace it..” (Page 91, 2nd paragraph)

“All the goddamn way to Florida.” (Page 96, 3rd paragraph from bottom of page)

“the love she feels for T goes on and on... cannot free herself.. They never made love, and yet she feels he has entered her body..” (Page 97, last paragraph - page 98, top of page)

“they look beautiful together. Not just handsome, but beautiful, 2 boys in torn blue jeans.. been a long time since N first realized they were lovers... She has sobered up... (Page 101, last paragraph)

Jesus! [T] explodes. Can’t we just be friends?.. We were soul mates once, and almost lovers.. cannot switch gears and become friends.. know [you] would like me to meet [your boyfriend] and go out with the 2 of you.. become the female buddy of 2 gay boys.. cannot do this because I still love your body...” (Page 104, middle of page)

“... keep me in your mind like a beautiful dream - while you sleep with [your boyfriend].” (Page 105, 5th paragraph)

* The porno-pushing, pro-homosexual American Library Association listed Whistle Me Home as a Best Book for Young Adults in 1998. Remember that, according to the ALA, a 12-year-old child is a young adult – M. Lyn.