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Summary from the Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data: No summary available in this book.
Excerpts:
“I [P.] didn’t have an abortion for two reasons…my mother [who] aborted what would have been my brother or sister…I understood my mother’s frame of mind exactly. Second, an emotionally disturbed, not quite middle-aged man named T…little fishie’s father…a real shit-heel…grandmother calls people ‘shit-heel’ a lot…I finally…fell in love enough to…well…to fuck…they’d laugh you right out…if you dared refer to fucking as sexual intercourse…I’d had an IUD inserted…[the gynecologist] said, ‘Oh my! The little devil [IUD] is hanging half out of your cervix…’ ‘Has the goddamn thing been working?’ ‘…feel inside of your vagina for anything unusual.’ ‘How often have you had sexual intercourse since I saw you last?’ ‘…three times a day.’ It [the IUD] lay on the waxed linoleum, bloody and disgusting. P is talking: ‘Nurse…if I were you, I’d put that [IUD] into the next cup of coffee you will no doubt be serving [the doctor]… ‘my boyfriend could use condoms…many women don’t feel the full pleasure of intercourse with infectious IUDs hanging out of their cervixes (3-7).”
“…Shit-heel had been able to expand his perspectives…I will go to the grave knowing that he’ll never know he had a baby (8).”
“Always make your decision [to abort] before the event actually registers (13).”
“Get your bad ass over to Frog City, P…you’ll love it…I don’t know what the hell I’ll be doing…(16).”
“The gay craftsmen used me as a professional gofer…never made a damn thing…they were pleasant, same as me…you’re much too confused about your own sexuality (20).”
“He [the university dean] took his marijuana-filled meerschaum out of his mouth…(20-21).”
P. is about to tell her parents she is “taking a break” from college to go to Paris: “…I brought home a six-pack of Michelob for my Dad…booze is to soften us all up…mother took her shot glass of Harvey’s…father twisted the top of the Michelob…(21).”
“…that job you had with those gays…(30)….
P. is now talking to someone about B.: ‘Gay?’ ‘Oh no. He’s always falling madly in love…wants someone to live with him (31).”
“B. is talking to P. ‘Do you mind if I try something?’ ‘Like what?’ she asked. ‘Sh-h-h…’ B. reached under my shirt and gently rubbed the bump [her belly]. Mr. Fetus’ little foot withdrew. ‘Oh, B.’ B. kept rubbing my side under my shirt…his other hand seemed to slide under my shirt…felt so good, and smooth…I wanted to do the same thing to him…we started kissing each other…B.’s head was under my shirt, and his beard tingled across my breast…out of my shirt, hugging his head hard against my chest…we were both naked, and rolling over and over between the sofas and chairs…neither of us wanted to release the other…so much of us was touching… ‘I love you, B.’ ‘Shit.’ …We took a shower…started to make love in the shower…we went to bed and made love all day long; me, B. and the baby (58-59).”
“…she [P.’s mother] was pregnant…self-righteous bastards who kept telling her that Down’s syndrome children are an absolute delight and full of love, and don’t abort it…there were those flip bastards who kept saying ‘…get rid of it if it’s not normal…’ I went to the mothers of twenty Down’s syndrome children in our area...they said, if you have a Downs baby, you manage yourself fairly well…but when the child reaches puberty, you have an adult retarded person…who looks like a cockeyed blimp…a million times more demanding…menstruate all over the furniture…they [siblings] have no choice when it comes to inheriting the kid when you die…[a lady] told me her son spent all his time trying to have sex with their Irish setter, the vacuum cleaner, with cold cuts…a whole bunch of disgusting stuff…every one of the [the women P. talked to] loved their kids to send them to some state hellhole… ‘…I made her [mother] tea and went into all that stuff I had learned about Down’s syndrome kids…she made the right decision…Her mother says: ‘P., the fetus didn’t have Down’s syndrome…I had an abortion anyway because I couldn’t survive a baby…(63-64).”
P. going over her journal entry on being kidnapped. This happened to her when she was a child: “…the two most clumsy-assed morons…collided on into me…I was tripping like a God damned maniac…God damned dessert forks. ‘For Crissake, where the hell did this fuckin’ kid come from?’… ‘The hell with you. I’m grabbin’ this fuckin’ kid. …one of the guys grabbed me around the waste…trampling every God damn prize begonia in sight…threw me into the back seat of some shit-smelling old ’64 Ford…without a God damn cop in sight…being incredibly pissed off [I] yelled, ‘Hey! What the hell do you assholes think you’re doing?’ ‘Shutup…we oughta kill ya…scarin’ the shit out of us.’ …I gathered up all my strength, and yelled my God damn head off. ‘…if you open that God damn trap of yours…’ ‘Only assholes have Barbie Dolls…’…[the] guy immediately started to choke… ‘You must be a regular asshole gangster…’ ‘…when my jerk of a sister shits her pants…’ ‘…I think we got ourselves a little bra-burner…’ Watching the news: …dear old Dad was as white as a God damned sheet…‘bring our little F. [referring to P. by her nickname]’ Holy shit! ‘F.! What the hell are you, kid, a stripper?’ One of the kidnappers is talking about her father: ‘Yeah. He don’t know I’m reading his copy of The Joy of Sex to the little dummy.’ P.’s friend, M., goes on television and the kidnapper reacts: ‘Holy, fuckin’ shit. This God damned kid’s best friend is a God damned nigger (74-81).”
She sent her kidnap story to Seventeen: “Seventeen girls do not read words like goddamn and fuck…(84-85).”
“I still can’t get over the fact that stealing a van is a hundred times easier…(88).”
“bastards (90).”
Going back to her story on the kidnappers, she asks: “‘…You people aren’t on drugs or anything, are you?’ ‘Drugs? …Drugs are for niggers and brats like you.’ ‘I ain’t no racist. I know a lotta niggers. It’s just…shit…what’s a nigger ever done for me except take my job?’ ‘Shit, T. Ya gotta have black cops, black firemen, black this, black that. I mean…shit.’ ‘Okay, everybody, we’ll unload and dump the van’ (91-92).”
“…asshole Mr. M. steps up…had a choking attack while me and the P. twins laughed our asses off (104).”
“My hair is…shit-brindle brown (107).”
“Our gym teacher is such an asshole (118).”
“All day at the hospital they have to clean up blood and piss and shit…(120).”
“In Playboy they have pictures of women masturbating in front of mirrors (139).”
“Making love when you’re pregnant…if you have pregnant sex, and want to be comfortable…the best positions are really incroyable…sex is most erotic and pleasurable…B. lay back and resumed reading, staying naked (140).”
“Shit, T., it’s a goddamned stick…piss-ant…a real piss-ant (152).”
“Fucking frogs don’t give a shit…Fucking chosen people (158-159).”
“[B.[ took my arm leading me to my seat while whispering in my ear that the greatest turn on for every human male was the exposed line which runs along a woman’s armpit on down until it becomes the outer edge of her breast (174).”
“Shit.” B. tells P., and she figures out that her best friend, M. is gay: “If she was a homosexual…all those times we were together – naked together, sleeping together in the same bed…took showers together all the time…she’s queer…a lesbian?... ‘Lesbians aren’t neuters.’ The dirty bitch. He [B.] had delusions of saving M. from her inconvenient homosexuality. I, obviously was just another one of M.’s inconveniences. And somebody better break the news to her that her girlfriend is a shit-heel (179-181).”
“When we [P. & B.] got upstairs, we threw all my stuff on the floor and made love…(188).”
“I called him a fucking liar…I said, during my next space between [contractions], ‘Jesus Christ, I sure could use an orgasm.’ B. said, ‘So the hell could I (264-265).”