DISCLAIMER: Because of the potentially foul language, sexually explicit scenarios or other graphic situations, you must be 18 years or older to view this material. By doing so, you also agree that OFSA is NOT liable for damages to you of any kind.

Summary from the Library of Congress cataloging-in-Publication Data: A traumatic event near the end of the summer has a devastating effect on M******’s freshman year in high school.

Notes:

Speak is an Oklahoma Sequoyah Book Award winner, as is The Giver. The book selection for this award comes from a “Reading Team” comprised of members of the Oklahoma Library Association. You can find other information on this award here:

Excerpts are from the PABBIS* website, in their entirety, with an edit to the font and font size. Additionally the author [M. Lyn] of this OFSA project verified same with the insertion of page numbers:

Book is about a girl who was raped at party the summer before starting high school. Her rapist goes to her high school and attempts to rape her again during her freshman year. The book starts as her freshman year starts.

“..Home of the Trojans didn’t send a strong abstinence message, so they [renamed us] Blue Devils.” (p.4)

“..jock thing. ..don’t care if people make comments about your boobs or rear end.” (p.18)

“..bitch.” (p.20)

Other students are mad at her because she called police when raped [but didn’t report it] and police broke up party and arrested some students: “My brother got arrested at that party. ..got fired because of the arrest. Asshole. ..My throat squeezes shut, as if 2 hands of black fingernails are clamped on my windpipe. ..worked so hard to forget.. stupid party.. hostile crowd that hates me for what I had to do.. can’t tell them what really happened.. can’t look at that part myself.. girl [with arrested brother] yanks my hair.. kid in front of me.. gives me dirty look.” (pp.28-29)

“..closest we come to worship is the Trinity of Visa, Mastercard, and American Express. ..cheerleaders confuse me because I missed Sunday School. ..has to be a miracle. ..How else could they sleep with the football team on Saturday night and be reincarnated as virginal goddesses on Monday? ..2 realities.. In one.. Pride of the Trojans.. In.. 2.. wild parties.. rent beach houses.. get group rate abortions..” (pp.29-30)

“..IT creeps up.. whispers to me.. Freshmeat.. found me again.. whispers to me.. I want to throw up.. I can smell him and I run.. He whispers in my ear.” (p.86)

“..open paperclip and scratch.. inside of my.. wrist. ..Pitiful. If a suicide attempt is a cry for help, then what is this? A whimper, a peep? I draw little windowcracks of blood, etching line after line until it stops hurting. ..looks like I arm-wrestled a rosebush.” (.87)

Remembering her rape: “I tasted a beer. ..gulped it down. Another beer and 1 more.. worried I would throw up. ..walked out of the crowd, towards the woods. ..A step behind me. A senior. ..talking to me, flirting.. gorgeous cover-model guy. ..tanned muscle.. Flirting with me! ..You’re too beautiful to hide in the dark. ..dance with me. ..took my hand.. pulled me close.. breathed in cologne and beer.. fit in against his body perfectly.. I was.. dizzy.. my cheek on his chest. He wrapped an arm around my back. ..other hand slid down to my butt.. tilted my face up to his ..kissed me.. hard sweet and deep. Nearly knocked me off my feet.. kissed me again. ..teeth ground against my lips. ..hard to breathe.. Do you want to? he asked. ..were on ground. When did that happen? No. ..he was on top of me. ..I’m mumbling like a deranged drunk. His lips lock on.. twist my head away. He is so heavy. ..open my mouth to breath,.. scream.. his hand covers it. ..In my head.. NO I DON’T WANT TO! But I can’t spit it out.. wham! shirt up, shorts down.. he smells like beer and mean and he hurts me hurts me hurts me and gets up and zips his jeans and smiles.. in middle of drunken crowd called 911.. have your location. Officers.. on the way.. Someone grabbed phone.. listened. A scream-the cops were coming! ..Someone slapped me.. I walked home to an empty house.” (pp.134-136)

“..stay after school to work on [art].. one of the places I feel safe.. Somebody flicks the lights off. ..IT is there. Andy Beast. ..heart leaps out of my chest.. I smell him.. cologne.. think it’s called Fear.. repeating nightmares.. IT: You seen Rachelle?.. I sit completely still.. blend in.. He walks toward me.. The smell chokes me. I shiver... It sits on my table, IT’s legs smear my.. drawing.. Hello? Anyone home? Are you deaf? IT stares at my face. I crush my jaws together.. deer frozen in .. headlights.. Is he going to hurt me again? He couldn’t, not in school. Could he?.. Why am I so afraid?.. Rachel sweeps in.. Andy puts his arm around her waist and pulls her close as the float out the door.. I walk home.. into my closet without even taking off my backpack.. close the door.. bury my face into cloths.. stuff my mouth with.. fabric and scream until there are no sounds left..” (pp.160-162)

“Mom: You must be sick. You’re talking. Even she can hear how bitchy that sounds.” (p.163)

“..would speak in front of an auditorium.. on How Not to Lose Your Virginity. Or, Why Seniors Should Be Locked Up. Or, My Summer vacation: A Drunken Party, Lies and Rape. Was I raped? Oprah:.. You said no. He covered your mouth with his hand. You were 13 years old.. doesn’t matter that you were drunk.. you were raped.. horrible, horrible thing.. Sally Jessy:.. want this boy held responsible. He is to blame.. an attack.. not your fault.. boy was an animal. Jerry: ..love? No. ..lust? No. ..tenderness, sweetness, the First Time they talk about in magazines? No, no, no, no, no!... I just want to sleep.. coma would be nice.. amnesia. Anything, just to get rid of this... Did he rape my head, too?” (pp.164-165)

“..writing on the walls [in toilet]..Who is A? I ask. ..she has pissed off a.. bunch of people.. wrote.. she’s a whore.. slept with this guy.. that guy.. slept with those guys at the same time. ..10th grader..” (p.174)

I says to her: “He’s [her rapist] only after one thing.. he’ll get it, no matter what. R [my friend] is going out with him.. add that to the list of stupid things she’s done this year... She’s a bitch.. thinks she’s too good for.. us.” (p.175)

“I didn’t call the cops to break up the party... guy raped me. Under the trees.. I was drunk and stupid and I didn’t know what was happening and he hurt-.. raped me... I couldn’t tell anybody. Does your mom know? [No].. you get pregnant? Did he have a disease?.. Who did it?.. Andy Evans. [the other girl, R’s boyfriend] Liar!.. can’t believe you. You’re jealous.. twisted little freak and your jealous I’m popular.. so you lie.. You’re so sick" (pp.183-184)

She goes to a closet she has at the school:” Somebody slams into my chest and knocks me back into the closet. ..light flicks on.. door closes. I am trapped with A [her rapist]. He stares at me... loathsome.. gives of a smell that makes me afraid I’ll wet my pants.. cracks his knuckles.. You have a big mouth.. R blew me off at the prom.. bullshit story about I raped you.. that’s a lie.. never raped.. don’t have to. You wanted it just as bad as I did. But your feelings got hurt.. every girl in school is talking about me like I’m some kind of a pervert. ..spreading.. bullshit story.. [you’re] ugly, jealous.. can’t get a date?.. blocks my way.. You’re not going anywhere.. locks the door. ..strange bitch.. freak.. he grabs my wrists.. squeezes so tight it feels like my bones splintering. ..pins me against.. door.. You’re not going to scream. You didn’t scream before. You liked it. ..jealous I took out your friend.. I know what you want. His mouth is on my face.. His lips.. wet.. teeth knock against my cheekbone.. he slams his body against mine.. teeth are on my neck.. I.. whimper. He fumbles to hold both my wrists in 1 hand.. wants a free hand. I remember. Metal hands, hot knife hands. ..NNNOOO!!!.. pushing [him] off-balance.. into the.. sink. He curses.. fist coming.. explosion in my head.. blood in my mouth.. I scream, scream.. loud.. throw [bowl] at him.. books.. He grabs me, pulls me away from door.. hand over my mouth.. around my throat. ..His body crushes me.. [he] breaths like a dragon.. hand leaves my throat, attacks my body. I hit.. [piece of] wood against.. mirror.. Shards of glass.. my fingers around a triangle of glass. ..hold it to [his] neck. He freezes. I push just hard enough to raise 1 drop of blood. He raises his arms over his head. My hand quivers. ..want to insert the glass all the way through his throat.. want to hear him scream.. pounding on door. I unlock it.. N is there.. [with] lacrosse team--angry.. someone.. runs for help.” (pp.192-195)

“..IT happened.. no avoiding.. no forgetting. AE raped me.. when I was drunk and too young to know what was happening... bruises are vivid, but they will fade.”

* PABBIS provides content on their website that may contain “controversial and potentially objectionable or inappropriate material in a book.” For more from PABBIS, please visit PABBIS